Our little family is growing! I’m so excited to share this news but I also want to share a side of the story that got us to this point. I wasn’t sure if I was going to share this because it’s been a very vulnerable topic for me for a long time now.

My hope is that by sharing my story, I might inspire someone else out there that may be dealing with these emotions. It might not be around the exact same thing but hopefully you will take some things away from this story regardless.

November 18th 2016, our little man arrived 7 weeks early, to say it was a different experience to what I had imagined is an understatement. There we were, helpless and not really understanding what had happened. We were very lucky in the sense that our son was healthy but just needed some time before he was ready to come home. We had 4 weeks in hospital, surrounded with the most amazing health staff trying to navigate us through this experience.

As nice as they were I was always feeling like they were more connected to my son, like they knew him better than me. We spent most our days at the hospital, coming in early mornings, leaving late at night. Most days I would leave in tears because all I wanted to do was to be with my baby. I would beat myself up thinking that he wouldn’t bond with me because I wasn’t there for him.

My pregnancy was not of the best and I had arthritis at the time giving me a lot of pain and really not enjoying the experience at all. You have these fantasies in mind when you are thinking of having a family, how things will be, how amazing it’s going to be.

The months after we got home from hospital I struggled! I now had to set my own routines and I still had these anxious and disconnected feelings. In many ways I really just hadn’t dealt with all that had happened! Unfortunately we do that with so many things in life and not truly feeling into the emotions blocks us from healing.

We would talk about having more children but every time I would brush it off with reasons to not have more! I knew in my heart that I wasn’t being true to myself because I was constantly thinking about it, and not landing on a decision.

Into 2020 I started on a healing journey, this is where a lot of things shifted. I had done all the work for my health but there was healing that needed to be done that no supplement, exercise or healthy diet was going to fix.

Between energy healing sessions, counselling, journalling and meditation the inner healing started to unfold. It was truly like peeling back the layers of an onion, bit by bit revealing areas that we just don’t talk about or want to think about!

Getting real with yourself, having uncomfortable conversations and looking at the relationships around you can be damn scary! But this my friend is where the magic happens!

Within months the fear and anxiety around my story I had been holding onto started to fade and I was starting to think from a place of love and not fear. It was a whole heartily YES to having another baby.

Do I still have some fear that my health might not cope with the pregnancy? I would be lying if I said I didn’t! Difference is I have the support and tools to tackle it if I do.

So here we are ready to embark on the next chapter of this crazy thing called parenthood, blessing our family with another soul to love and nurture!

Choose love over fear always X

When you make decisions out of love, not fear..